By request, the Uncle Jesus story...



He calls me in the middle of the night several months ago, breathless, stammering. He has had a vision and it so moved him he leaped out of bed, wrote it down and called me with the news. AT LAST he figured out what it all means. What IT ALL MEANS. He, my Uncle Dennis has concluded, is Jesus Christ for the New Millenium.

He's not a vessel of Christ, not a disciple, not a beacon to behold, but JESUS CHRIST FOR THE NEW MILLENIUM.

"Well, that's good Dennis, I'm glad you've come to a conclusion. Now what are you going to do with it?"

"I'm going to spread the word." THE WORD.

"Okay, just don't scare the natives."

Of course he scared the natives. His wife finally told him to cut it out before they got arrested, sued, or worse - mentioned in the Houston Chronicle. He's tamed it down as a result, but I suspect he's still a believer.

The thing is, I thought I understood what he was actually trying to convey. I thought he was trying to say we each have *God* in us, and it's our responsibility to be as "God-like" in our daily lives as we possibly can be. I understand that. But that's not what he was telling people. He was literally telling people "I AM JESUS CHRIST FOR THE NEW MILLENIUM."

"We have a lot of connections."

"Oh?"

"For instance, Mary was a teenager when she had Christ... My mother was a teenager when she had me."

"Wow, Jesus really is a co-pilot!"

"What?"

"Wasn't your dad a ninety-day wonder during World War Two?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm just saying, God must be a good-looking airman, especially in that leather bomber jacket - WOOF!"

Mr. zippy started calling him "Jesus" and I took to calling him "Uncle Jesus." Shortly thereafter, Dennis started his career as a cross-country truck driver. I told him I was going to make him a bumper sticker, "I'M A JEWISH CARPENTER - ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?"

I wonder if he now sings "Happy Birthday to me..." on Christmas day? Or if he finds those little wafer sacraments distasteful anymore?

His daughter thinks it's hysterical, but she hasn't yet made her connection to being The Savior's Only Child. Let's hope she can high-tail it and run when he starts talking martyrdom.