Yesterday in class we were tasked to complete the sentences:

1. A spider in an old man's beard is as _____________.

What I wrote in response came out of me like a demon on crack -- I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF. I even said aloud I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M WRITING THIS and then laughed and laughed until I CRIED myself into a Baby Jane impersonation, mascara down to my cheekbones and up to my eye brows. All I needed was a handicapped sister to torture.

Then laughter caught on like a contagion and the entire class cracked up over something they had not yet heard. Our prof was laughing but saying, too, "I can hear the phone calls now from one of your parents threatening to sue me..."

Then Angie, sitting next to me, peeked at my notebook and was so startled by what I'd written that the SHOCK OF IT shook through her body, her eyes wide, and a gasp inhaled. She said "You don't want zippy's answer read aloud" to the prof which only made the others more curious.

"Can we read it?" one asked, eyebrows arched, but the prof nipped that one in the bud.

WHEW.

Your turn to respond:

Sentence 1: A spider in an old man's beard is as _________.
(my answer: unprintable)

Sentence 2: The oars extended from the boat like ________.
(my answer: they were arms stretched out from heaven. blech. hurl. puke.)

Sentence 3: Nothing would be the same now that ________.
(my answer: Grandma had recovered.)

Sentence 4: The rhino (or whino, you choose) took to being comatose like _______.
(my answer: my Aunt Cynthia on a Saturday night.)

Sentence 5: She held her life in her hands like __________.
(my answer: a token she'd thought she'd already spent.)