Because there are so many of you who are in the know, I am putting this here rather than send it individually to each of you. I know you understand...


I'm back from Cali. I did not find Huggy in the morgue, but I did find him in jail for drugs.

he swears he lost all that weight before he did the meth.

I think he protests too much.

None-the-less, he's fixated on having "something" wrong w/ him - cancer or TB specifically - but I suspect he's playing the wrong cards. I suspect it's his diabetes that he has never taken care of properly.

This should be his third strike and in Cali that means life, but his attorney has struck a deal for a drug diversion program. Huggy placates them now by going through the motions, but I have no illusions.

I am resigned to my brother dying alone on a street somewhere. I am also resigned to him killing himself. I just hope to be notified when it happens so that I can claim the body.

But, honestly, I am glad I did not have to trowel the morgue looking at every John Doe. I was braced for it, but relieved to not actually go through it this time.

I am BITTER that his case worker told me he looks like he has AIDS and urged to family to make closure with him. BITTER. how the FUCK can you work w/ that particular subculture of people and NOT recognize an AIDS candidate from a speed freak???

But it is true, Huggy is skinny. S-K-I-N-N-Y.

. . .

AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

my other dumb ass brother, Jimmy, opts to tag along for the ride, why?

"Because I feel I should. You shouldn't have to do this alone."

"I WOULDN'T FUCKING BE DOING IT AT ALL IF YOU'D JUST GOTTEN IN YOUR CAR AND DRIVEN THE TWO HOURS TO CHECK ON HIM YOURSELF."

"Well, now we can do it together."

. . .

AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

said brother is a racist. I think it may be his new wife bringing out the (sur name) in him. they both told me independently of each other, "I hate to sound like a bigot, but I guess I am."

Bigot is a polite word, in my opinion. Rhymes with spigot. "I'll have another cuppa bigot from the spigot please."

WHAT RHYMES WITH RACIST?

everyone who knows, email me the answer.

So, "Spickville" this and "Spickville" that and incredulously, "I don't have a problem with the ones that come over and do the migrant farming."

!!!!!

"They're fine, but the ones who come over and we can't get the same welfare benefits because we're white and born here??? but our taxes are paying for them? Fucking spicks."

"but you know that Latin AMERICANS are the fastest growing minority in the nation, right?"

"So?"

"And that Spanish is fast becoming a required language in this country."

"That's another thing - why don't they learn English? It's our country, god damn it!"

"Because we don't actually have an official language. It's one of those things the founding fathers failed to think about."

"English is what we speak in this country and that's all there is to it. I wouldn't go to Mexico without knowing the language."

"You've already done it with me."

"When?"

"Back in the 80s when we went to Nueve Laredo."

"That's just a border town. That doesn't count."

"And what about all the countries you visited when you were in the Navy?"

"Why do you think I always ate at McDonald's?"

"Why be angry at an entire collective people for a portion of them taking advantage of a system when it is offered to them? Why not be angry w/ the system instead and work toward changing it?"

"You can't change the system, zippy, that's just stupid."

. . .

AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED???

We passed a Mitsubishi SUV on the highway and Jimmy swears TO GOD ALMIGHTY he won't EVER buy a product from Mitsubishi EVER.

"Not even if they make your dream car?"

"NEVER!"

"Why not?"

At which point I am told the tale of the Japanese auto maker putting American POWs to work as slave labor in their factories during WW2. I did not know.

"As far as I'm concerned," he says, "We should have dropped another bomb on their asses, blown them all off the planet."

"Do you think you're talking to someone else?"

"It's just the way I feel."

"And you want me to bring my Japanese husband to your wedding?"

"Oh, it's nothing personal."

. . .


On the flight home I sat w/ a lovely young couple of BLACK AMERICANS and apologized for things they did not know.