Huggy will be here in about an hour.

In the meantime, I thought I'd update the universe on my own mental health.

The fog lifted - seemingly literally - as I cleaned the house. That's the metaphor, in case you didn't notice. As I was clearing out crap from the office in prep for huggy's stay (we have a day bed in here where he will sleep), i noticed how positively GOOD I felt. GOOD!!!!! It was the first time I'd actually felt GOOOOOOOD about anything I've done in over a year. dust particles and dog hair OUT! OUT! DAMNED SPOTS! And it's not as though I haven't cleaned my house in the last year, but this was different for me. Like a real love affair with cleaning - cleaning products, cleaning cloths, clean surfaces. I could have masturbated and not felt so good. but mr. zippy might have found that peculiar, all things considered.

Then Sunday as I took the doggies for their walk ... 2 miles that I normally take them on, one single leash the two share, so that's just shy of 100 lbs on one leash w/ two tethers that haul my ass through my old, settled neighborhood and it occured to me as I was walking how GOOOD I FELT!

Although I was reluctant to do so, I turned to mr. zippy and said, "I think I have my mind back."

I was afraid I may be jumping the gun, but now not so much. the feeling is staying. my mind really seems clear and my body more willing to go along with what my brain urges it to do.

I apologized to mr. zippy, for I know it hasn't been easy living with me through this.

we took an extra .5 mile through a part of the neighborhood we don't normally take and I thought I'd take it from now on, add that extra half mile to the routine. the dogs didn't seem to mind. and I was no worse for it, god knows.

mr. zippy gave me a snuggle and smooch and I know he's happier already.

as am I.